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by Linda Evans Shepherd

© 1999 Linda Evans Shepherd

Permission is granted to copy this study guide for use in group or individual Bible study. Otherwise, all rights reserved to Linda Evans Shepherd. This web/electronic version is not for resale, although this study guide is available in a printed format via the order form on this web site: http://www.sheppro.com or by contacting Shepherd Heart Productions as listed below.

All Scripture quotations, unless indicated, are taken from the HOLY Bible, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, © 1973, 1978, 1984 BY International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

The "NIV" and "New International Version" trademarks are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by International Bible Society. Use of either trademark requires the permission of International Bible Society.

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NOTE: You may order both the book, Encouraging Hands, Encouraging Hearts, as well as a printed version of this study guide from Shepherd’s Heart Productions as listed above. Please write, FAX, or review web page for ordering information.

These questions are designed to be used in small study groups. They may be filled out prior to the study, or may be answered as a group activity. Each group member should read the corresponding chapter of the book, Encouraging Hands, Encouraging Hearts (Servant) prior to the study. Also, please respect the group’s privacy. Never tell, without permission, things which have been shared by individual members of the group. Do not put pressure on group members to answer personal questions. Personal sharing should be done on a voluntary basis. Be sure and bring your Bible and the book, Encouraging Hands, Encouraging Hearts, and at least one copy of the study guide to your study.

For each week’s assignments, read the corresponding chapter(s) in the book, Encouraging Hands, Encouraging Hearts.

NOTE: If you are doing this study as an individual, please note that when Linda asks you to share information with the group, you should instead journal your response.

1. Read First Thessalonians 5:11 aloud, "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." (NIV)

According to this scripture, should we encourage other people? Why do you think it is important to encourage others?

2. The author says, "Too many women today are trying to fly with the broken ____________ of discouragement." According to the book, women today need more encouragement than ever. Why? What are the most prominent causes of discouragement?

3. Linda shares a story about Jane, who was a woman of encouragement. How did the encouragement she gave to others bless her when her husband became ill? Why do you think encouragement blesses both the recipient and the one who gives it?

4. An old folk proverb states, "If your vision is for a lifetime, plant people."

What harvest might you expect if you invest your life in the lives of others? Name some ways you can invest in others.

5. Is encouragement always easy to give? Why or why not?

6. What do you think are the major stumbling blocks of encouraging others?

7. How do you feel when you have encouraged someone? Why?

8. What was it about Marcia’s response on the telephone that encouraged Linda? Why did Linda want sympathy instead of encouragement? Why was Marcia’s encouragement better than sympathy?

9. The New Expanded Webster’s Dictionary defines encouragement as, "To give courage to; to stimulate; to embolden; to countenance." How do you feel you need courage, energy, boldness, or approval?

10. Stop and pray for someone who has shared an area of need with you. If you wish, assign partners, to exchange phone numbers for follow-up prayers during the week.

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Read Chapter 2 and 3 of Encouraging Hands, Encouraging Hearts prior to study.

1. Read I Cor. 12:14-20 aloud, "Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot should say, ‘Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,’ it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. And if the ear should say, ‘Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body’" it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. (NIV)

According to this scripture, we are all different parts of the body of Christ. How is it that we need each other? Can we be successful without the involvement of others? Why or why not?

2. Read the following quote from Linda’s book: "We are all angels with only one wing, we can only_____________ by encouraging one another." Author Unknown.

Do you think this is true? Why?

3. Did Connie’s friend change Connie’s circumstances? What did change? Why?

4. Read Titus 2:3-5 aloud, "Teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." NIV

Why are women to teach women? What are we to teach? Can you give an example of how a woman made a difference in your life?

5. Describe what happened between Betty and Rose. What is co-dependence? How is it harmful? How do you break free of a co-dependent relationship? What are the risks? What are the rewards?

6. According to the book, why did the author not find the comfort she longed for from her friends? Why are we sometimes lonely even when we are surrounded by others? How can we reach out to others more effectively?

7. Read Ecclessiates 4:9-12 aloud, "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken" (NIV)

According to this scripture, why is their strength in friendship? Why is this important?

8. Why were quilting bees important to our grandmother’s and great-grandmothers? Do you think it is important for women to share their stories with each other? Why?

9. What happened when the women at Linda’s tea party shared stories about times they were encouraged? How did it help the women to bond?

10. Share a story about a time someone encouraged you.

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1. Read Hebrews 3:13, "But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness." (NIV)

According to this scripture, when and why must we encourage other people? How does encouragement keep us from the pitfall of sin’s deceitfulness?

2. Why was the young mother from Ghana discouraged? Do you ever feel discouraged? List all the activities you have to accomplish in a typical day:

3. In Linda’s survey, women ranked the areas they felt would provide them with the most encouragement (in descending order) were: (1.) Prayer support, (2.) Listening ear, (3.) Hugs, (4.) Thanks for a job well done, (5.) Encouraging words, (6.) Reassurance, (7.) Sincere compliments, (8.) Fresh ideas, and (9.) Sound advice. Circle your top three favorites and share them with the group.

4. It takes ___________ to encourage. The hardest part of investing in someone else is in giving her the gift of ___________. Why?

5. Author Dianne E. Butts talks about the impact the gift of time had on her life. What were some of the things her friend did to spend time with Dianne? How did this change Dianne’s life? Share ideas on how we can give this gift of time to our friends and family.

6. What is the cure for loneliness? Why?

7. The four temperament types are:

Sanguine: Outgoing, talkative, and optimistic.

Choleric: Goal oriented, driven, achiever.

Phlegmatic: Quiet, contemplative, dependable.

Melancholy: Sensitive, detailed, perfectionist.

Discuss what methods of encouragement is employed by each of these temperament styles:

Sanguine: _______________________________________________________.

Choleric:________________________________________________________.

Phlegmatic:______________________________________________________.

Melancholy:______________________________________________________.

8. Why does avoidance feel like rejection? Is it?

9. Kathy Collard Miller talks about encouraging a woman at the airport. In what way did she have to humble herself to reach out to this woman? Why do we have to sometimes humble ourselves to encourage others?

10. Can you share an example of a time you reached out to encourage another?

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1. Hugging is an important form of encouragement. According to Author Unknown, "One size fits all and no one minds if ______________________________________.

2. Why do hugs sometimes make us nervous?

3. Hugging is Scriptural. Read 2 Corinthians 13:12, " Greet one another with a holy kiss."

Jesus hugged his disciples as well as the children who were brought to him to be blessed. He told a parable about a father running to hug his long-lost son. Why do you think Christ modeled hugs?

4. What helped Dr. Clare’s depressed patient, Glenda, recover? Why?

5. Is there a proper time to hug?

Read Ecclesiastes 3:1-5 aloud, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain." (NIV)

6. List the ten messages hugs communicate with others:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

7. Hugs can express God’s love. When Billy Graham had the privilege of meeting Mother Teresa on a trip to India, he was deeply touched by her ministry to Calcutta’s dying. When she mentioned she had held five dying people in her arms the night before, Billy Graham asked her why she did it. How did she answer? How did these hugs express God’s love.

8. Psalms 139:7-10 says: "Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast." (NIV)

Can you see how God’s hand has not only guided you but held you fast? Let those share who want to relate this experience.

9. What are some ways we can "hold fast to" God? Read Philippians 3:1 aloud, "I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." (NIV)

Jesus Christ takes hold of us, how do we take hold of him?

10. For those who want to share, tell a story about a time you shared an important hug of encouragement. End the meeting with prayer and hugs for everyone.

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1. The gift of listening is one of the less _____________________ but more ___________________ gifts we can give to our friends and family. Why?

2. James 1:19 says, "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." (NIV)

Why is it better to listen than to chatter?

3. It is a wonderful gift to give permission for the grieving to talk about their loss. But we must exercise a lot of patience in this process because bereavement takes time. H. Norman Wright says, "The average grief-recovery time from an accident is averaged at ____ ___________, a suicide in the family is ___ ___________ and homicide is ____________. If the loss of that is your own child recovery may never be fully _____________________. "

4. How did Carla minister to her neighbor who lost her twenty-year-old son unexpectedly. How did this act help Carla’s neighbor?

5. According to Recipe for a Listening Ear, to listen, you must first shut _________ _______________. Can this be difficult? Why?

6. When LeAnn’s children or husband want to talk to her, what does she do? How can you apply this idea to your own life? Please share ideas and suggestions with the group.

7. There are many responses a listener can offer to encourage a friend. They include:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

Which of these responses is your favorite and why?

8. We must react to compulsive talkers in love. What did Lynette do to help her friend who was a compulsive talker?

9. We have to discipline ourselves to learn the art of listening. What can we do to allow others a chance to be heard when we are in conversation with them?

10. Can you share a time the gift of listening has been a blessing to you or to someone you care about?

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1. Not everyone likes ________________. Why?

2. Good advice can:

1.__________________.

2.__________________.

3.__________________.

4.__________________.

3. How did Evelyn’s creative advice help Helen’s marriage?

4. Even when we give good advice, we have to remember that we can’t heal their ____________________. Healing broken hearts can only be accomplished through ____________ and his ________________.

5. When is it okay to give advice?

1. When a friend _____________ for it.

2. When you feel you have _______________ your friend’s confidence.

3. When you are willing to ___________ your friendship to warn or counsel a friend.

4. When you are willing to allow your friend to ___________ or ______________ your advice.

5. Why are the last two points the most important?

6. Why is it important to give advice in the spirit of love?

7. Why is it important to ask questions to the one you are advising? Give an example of how questions can help your friend advise herself.

8. Should we try to force good decisions from others? Why can’t we make a person take our advice? Why should we let go?

9. Advice made a difference to Carolyn’s writing because:

1. She __________________ it.

2. She __________________ to it.

3. She ___________________ it.

4. She ____________________it.

10. Proverbs 19:20 says, "Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise." (NIV)

Can you share a time advice made a difference to you or a loved one?

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1. When Carol learned that her mother had died, she immediately called her friend MaryJo. Why? Could MaryJo fix Carol’s problem or pain? What did MaryJo do to help Carol? Why did it help?

2. Has God called us to explain the "why" of tragedies? What happened when Job’s friends tried to explain Job’s tragedy? Open up your Bibles and read Job 42:8-10 together. Did Job’s friends mean to harm him? What did God ask Job to do for his friends? Why? Should we pray for our friends who have offended us?

3. Read Second Corinthians 1:3-5 aloud, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." (NIV)

According to this scripture, we are to ______________________ others.

4. Why do we sometimes avoid grieving friends?

1. Their grief makes us feel ____________________.

2. Their tragedy revives our resolved ____________________.

3. Their profound struggles shake our ______________________.

4. Their pain tries our _________________________.

Yet, when we share their pain, we share their eventual healing and comfort. Can you think of a grieving friend to whom you need to reach out?

5. Make a list of things you can do to help a grieving friend. Borrow from Linda’s list, but also add ideas of your own:

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20.

 

6. Where is God in tragedy? Why is it hard to feel his presence when we are in pain? When tragedy happens to a person, does that mean God does not care for or love her anymore?

Together, read Psalms 59:16, "But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble." (NIV)

7. When tragedy happens to you, the author recommends following the GRIEF RELIEF Principle:

G______________________

R______________________

I_______________________

E_______________________

F_______________________

Relief:___________________________________________________

8. Why is it important to forgive God? Why is it important to forgive yourself? Why is it important to forgive others? How is this possible? How often can we pray for strength?

9. What benefits do we gain from suffering?

10. If you’d like, please tell your group what you have learned in a time of suffering. Afterwards, share prayer requests and pray for one another.

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1. Read Luke 6:31, "Do to others as you would have them do to you." (NIV)

What does this mean? Should we "do" to "get"? Why or why not?

2. How did Linda feel when she returned the lost tent to its owner? Why do acts of kindness benefit the person who performs them as well as the person who receives them?

3. We should watch for opportunities to practice acts of kindnesses. If you’d like, tell the group a time you did a good turn for someone else. How did it make you feel?

4. Read First John 3:18, "Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." (NIV)

According to this scripture, what is the best way to show someone our love? This means we should put ________________ to our love.

5. Kindnesses we can give to others include:

Pitch in to _________________.

Supply a __________________.

Give an unexpected __________________.

Spend time ____________________ and ______________________.

6. Why did Zelda think her husband could change? Should we attach "strings" to our acts of kindness? Why or why not?

7. Read 1Thessalonians 5:15, "Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else." (NIV)

As Sally Ann learned, _______________________ never pays.

8. Why, as Proverbs 15:1 states, do you think a soft answer turns away wrath?

9. What is the best way to accept a kindness?

10. It is sometimes difficult to accept a kindness, but as Linda learned when she was hiking above the island waterfall, sometimes God puts people in your path in order to give you a helping hand. Can you think of a time a kindness made a difference in your life? Those who want to share, please do so.

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1. Read Phillipians 4:6-7 aloud, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (NIV)

What is prayer? Why does it make a difference?

2. Jack was not a man of prayer, yet, he was grateful when Janie prayed for him. Why? Why do you think prayer is welcomed by non-believers during times of crisis?

3. Why did prayer calm Annie, the mother of the handicapped girl?

4. According to First Thessalonians 5:17, we are to pray _________________________. How can we do that?

5. Prayer is actual ___________________________________ with a God who cares. Should we expect God to answer our prayers? Why or why not?

6. Does God always answer our prayers the way we ask? Why does he sometimes say no? Read: 1 Corinthians 13:12 aloud, "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." (NIV)

What does this mean?

7. What advice was Karen given about her son? Why should we turn our problems over to God? How can we do that?

8. Why is it important to let go of bitterness, jealousy, anger, and unforgiveness?

9. Take this opportunity to stop and pray for yourself. Ask for help, strength, mercy, forgiveness, and the power to let go of hurt, bitterness, unforgiveness, and regrets. You may also want to say something like: "Lord, I give you my burden of ______________________. I lay it at your feet. Give me the power to trust you with this situation. In Jesus name. Amen."

Don’t forget to pray for yourself everyday.

10. Read the poem, I Said a Prayer for You Today. Make a list of all the people for whom you need to pray. As a group, share prayer requests and pray.

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1. Read Proverbs 4:24 aloud, "Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips." (NIV)

If you follow this scripture, you will more than likely stay out of ______________.

2. Our words serve as boomerangs, good or bad, they will someday come back to us. How had Susan’s encouraging words changed the life of the editor? How did this encouragement come back to encourage Susan?

3. There are many times to apply encouraging words, for example:

1. ________________ a friend in the right direction

2. ________________ a friend.

3. ________________ a friend.

4. ________________ a friend.

5. ________________ a friend.

6. ________________ a friend’s confidence.

4. List ways you can express encouraging words.

5. There are also several forms of encouragement. For example, a compliment is a way of expressing ____________________. How did Diana find confidence from encouragement?

6. Persuasion is a form of encouragement which can help us challenge and inspire others. Sometimes all it takes for us to reach our goals is for someone to come along side and say: ________________________________________________________________.

7. Compliments, congratulations, and "thank -yous" are always appreciated for a job well done. We should _______________ these and all other forms of encouraging words that come our way, graciously.

8. What is Encouragement Playback? Let’s practice. Share a compliment about the person on you right with the person on your left. Afterwards, have the people who heard the compliment, share it with the person the compliment concerned. How did you feel when you heard the second-hand compliment?

Note: Try this exercise with others not in your group.

9. If you would like, share a time an encouraging word made a difference in your life or the life of a friend.

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1. Have someone relate the story about Heather and Sondra. Why was Heather in the secret service?

2. Read Matthew 5:14-16 aloud, "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." (NIV)

Why is it important to be a light to the world?

3. What is the difference between having faith in God and faith in your faith? How was Linda able to put her trust in God concerning her injured daughter?

4. You should encourage a friend or loved one in the faith when the ________________ arises. How did Pat take advantage of an opportunity to encourage Mimi in the faith?

5. How did Glenna share her faith from the platform without offense? Why do you think she was effective?

6. Complete this sentence, "Sharing my faith and sharing about Christ is most effective when I share my ______________________________ and my ____________ _______________."

7. Please take turns reading the five "Share Jesus" scriptures listed in the book.

8. When sharing these scriptures, what questions should you ask? If they don’t understand the Scripture, how should you respond?

9. Read the following simple prayer silently: "Father, I am a sinner. Please forgive me of my sins. Thank you for sending your son to die in my place. Thank you that he rose again. I surrender my life to him. In Jesus name, Amen."

If you have never prayed a prayer like this before, and you wish to make this prayer your own, read it silently again, this time, as a prayer to God. If you prayed this prayer for the first time, please find the courage to tell the members of your study group now. Simply raise your hand or say, "I prayed the prayer."

10. If a member of your group has prayed to receive Christ, please stop and celebrate. Take time to pray as a group, that she will have strength and will grow in her new found faith. Afterwards, look at Linda’s list of Encouragement scriptures. Take turns telling the group which of these scriptures gave you the most encouragement.

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1. The author described an unseasonably early Colorado blizzard which blanketed leaf-covered trees with snow. The weight of the snow and leaves caused the trees and branches to bow to the ground. The trees which tried to stand unmoved, splintered and broke. Every life will face unexpected disappointments. Don’t try to stand ____________________ and ______________________, instead, ___________ towards God.

2. How did Nancy’s life change after she let go of expectations about her former husband? Did her ex-husband change? Did Nancy’s attitude change? How? Why?

3. Have a volunteer read Linda’s poem, Its Your Turn Lord. Afterwards, answer this question, when is it okay to let go?

• When you realize you have no _____________________ anyway.
• When you want to _______________ God’s help.

4. Letting go of a grudge does not mean the person you forgive ___________________ your forgiveness. Even so, by letting go, we will _______________ ourselves to a closer relationship with God. Why do you think this is so?

5. We need to look for the victory in failures. Relate the story Linda tells about the downhill bike race in Vail, Colorado. Why was the bicyclist a winner even though he lost the race? His victory was not in winning the race, but in ____________________ the race. How does this story apply to us?

6. Here is a list the ten top areas where women need encouragement. Circle the top three which apply the most to you and share with the group.

1. Spiritual Issues 2. Diet/Exercise 3. Living Christian Life 4 . Time Management 5. Child Raising

6. Housekeeping 7. Marriage 8. Grief Issues 9. Loneliness 10. Job

7. The following are things which will help you encourage yourself. Fill in the blank.

• ____________ from your mistakes
• _______ for others.
• Don’t _____________________ yourself with others.
• Get a new ______________________________.
• Make a ______________________ of your accomplishments.
• Toss out the I _________________.
• Dare to _______________.

8. Make a list of three "I Can’ts" in your life.

1._________________________________________________________

2._________________________________________________________

3._________________________________________________________

Read Phillipians 4:13 aloud, "I can do everything through him who gives me strength." (NIV)

If you wish, read your "I Can’t" list to your group, but before you read each item you listed, say, "Through Christ I can . . . _____________________________________."

9. If you could do anything, what would it be? Write your dream here.

___________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

If you wish, share your dream with the group. The members of the group are asked to be supportive and not to share your dreams with others outside the group.

10. In closing this last session of your study group, have a volunteer read the poem, Don’t Quit. Afterwards, the group should pray for each person, that God may guide their dreams and strengthen their hearts.

 

Linda has also written workbooks on marriage (called The Marriage Works) and on grief (called GRIEF Relief).

Home | About Linda | Books | Speaking | News | Women | Authors | ? | Contact

Linda Evans Shepherd Author and Speaker
Phone: 1-303-772-2035; Fax: 1-303-678-0260 ...  PO Box 6421, Longmont, CO 80501